They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
