he told me I talked like a deaf person
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
