I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
