Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
birth control should be required to get into college
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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