I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
