A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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