Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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