Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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