i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
