butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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