I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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