sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
