omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
