Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
