I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
