"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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