Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
