Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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