i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
