foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
