So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
