Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Randomize
