I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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