Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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