If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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