i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
