She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
