Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
