So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
