White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Four minutes until I can fart!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
