drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
