There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
