I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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