I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
