I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
