also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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