apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
