Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
