im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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