Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
