RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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