Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
