the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
