Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
