I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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