id be glad to
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
