No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
