Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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