I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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