The brown eye won't let me do that either.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
