Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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