If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
