I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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