Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
